Friday, February 28, 2014

Our Chute Doc: Sagan's Throne, and Stuart O'Grady's new job in Australian cycling

Let the Chute Doc heal your wounds with a light hearted look at the world of cycling. A play on the word "chute", French for fall or crash, used a lot in cycling, and also an anagram of Tour de Couch. (This section was formerly known as That's So Couch.)


It's a good day when a Chris Froome picture has him in actual clothes:

Peter Sagan’s girlfriend does not get that a man’s toilet is his castle

Translation:  Uhh...with Kate having coffee in Monaco and I find this in the bathroom....interesting.

That's a Slovakian magazine he's reading. The article which I think is here and can sort of patch together through the googles, says she was almost a Miss Slovakia or something and that he didn't have a problem when he found out she used to prance around in a bikini a lot. A Slovakian magazine in a Monaco cafe toilet? I smell a set up. Either that or he went in after her.

Tinkoff Saxo use Contador to play dot to dot in the cold

And speaking of nipples, Oz cycling and other media seem to be milking Stuart O'Grady's - a mutual milking though:   (although this is a good opinion piece about it on their site – like Lee’s comment about riders not being presentable) 

...and I'm too tired to put any more up. Did he need to dope to get through all these interviews? 

Australian cycling (and other) media not only helped Stuart O’Grady shift some books just seven months after admitting to past doping slash admitting just before getting busted – but they also helped him smooth the fans over for his likely new job at Orica Green Edge as a DS or “consultant.” How long do we give it til he’s in a job like that – three, six months? And if that happens, it only means one thing – cycling will never be able to draw that line in the sand it so magically thinks is there between now and the past because the past just keeps wanting a cycling job or to write a book – and the present keep wanting to have a drink with it – well, the ones they like anyway.

Stuart said he felt bad lying to Vance but probably wouldn't have if that pesky French senate thing hadn't happened. I feel bad for rhyming Vance with Lance which I will do here because Stuart says he still won’t drink with him because he doped 7 more times than he did – or if it was every second day that’s 70 to about 10, if Lance didn't dope every stage – which he probably did which also doesn't make it a level playing field and why none of us should drink with him.   

…and this is why women’s cycling can’t have nice things:

…when cycling mags choose these kind of products as their favourite. Even my ten year old stepdaughter has moved on from the bikes with the streamers attached. 

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Our Chute Doc: Lists, Giraffes, and the Mafia

Let the Chute Doc heal your wounds with a light hearted look at the world of cycling. A play on the word "chute", French for fall or crash, used a lot in cycling, and also an anagram of Tour de Couch. (This section was formerly known as That's So Couch.)

In the tradition of cycling's affinity for the mafia, Matti Breschel goes to the mattresses.

However, Breschel's boss Oleg Tinkov soon expressed his dismay. "When guys are on the mattresses they're not earning," he was heard to shout. But in his usually confusing way, where he also says the opposite, he tweeted "You give Sky a message - I want Froome...if not, it's all out war - we go to the mattresses."

PDAs of the fortnight with the people riders love the most:

Trek's Eugenio Alafici thought a bow tie would distract from the pinstripe tights. At least he recognises the new kit's formal attire function:

Team Sky riders covet thy neighbour's bikes, even before their bikes were stolen. 

After spotting more vision of Froome attacking on a bicycle at the Tour of Oman - when vision was actually available - animal welfare groups expressed fear it would also be seen by a certain Danish zoo:

George Hincapie's new hotel, the House of the Rising Sun, was the venue for Bicycling Magazine's 2014 #edchoice, where some of the Bicycling guys and gals got together to choose their fave best cycling stuff in a relaxed environment - and eat good food.
 Bill also tweeted this insight into George Hincapie:
which is probably summed up best:
Is it just me or has there been a plethora of "lists" of late in the cycling meeja? I don't need to provide a link as there has been at least one out there in the ether daily. Perhaps they stumbled on to this cool tool: - go on, type "kittel hair" in it, or, "cycling websites".

10 things the UCI should spend 3 million Swiss francs on instead of the big fat waste of time that will be the CIRC:
  1. Start up a fund to develop new managers, cycling doctors, DSs, soigneurs, etc so we can get rid of ALL the dodgy ones
  2. A PR campaign to get ballsy and promote cycling's reputation - i.e. it is a lot better than a lot of other sports in terms of doping - for example, where's the outrage about this lot then?
  3. Own Sagan for almost a year, to do, you know, whatever
  4. A fund to pay bloggers from far away lands to go to the Classics
  5. Pay the IOC to put the individual pursuit back in the games
  6. Pay the ASO to shorten boring long sprint stages in the TDF
  7. Pour the funds into women's pro cycling. 
  8. Pour the funds into women's pro cycling. 
  9. Pour the funds into women's pro cycling. 
  10. Pour the funds into women's pro cycling.

Friday, February 14, 2014

Our Chute Doc: Valentine's Day

Let the Chute Doc heal your wounds with a light hearted look at the world of cycling. A play on the word "chute", French for fall or crash, used a lot in cycling, and also an anagram of Tour de Couch. (This section was formerly known as That's So Couch.)

Contrary to popular belief, Andy Schleck reveals Johan Bruyneel was not a favourite:

No matter how hard the Team Giant Shimano boys tried, they just couldn't get anywhere in their Team Time Trial:

Rochelle Gilmore refused to judge a handstand competition: 

Phinney asks "Cav, are you sure you want me to set it alight for your next hoop jump?"

Let's hope Ian used a spare:

Other kit you wouldn't want to wear:

"Aussie kits redefining cycle fashion.." and making them hate us even more out there

The ASO reveals it has another use for the women pro riders after their race is over on the last day of the Tour, keep the power going for the mens' broadcast: 

The Tours of Qatar brought the gratuitous posing with camel shots


Continuing a theme from last week's post, Wiggins is not happy, well in this photo anyway.
Maybe he's worried the photo bombers will do this to him:

For Valentines Day, Lotto Bellisol is running a competition where people post photos that shows their love for the team - and they could win a trip to Paris last weekend of the Tour. This one is one of my favourites:


..and here's one man, Frederik showing his love for the Lotto Belisol womens' team:

Ex druggies continue to be attracted to and hang around the sport for seemingly no reason:



While Orica Green Edge riders were totally on board with the decision to cancel the last stage of the Herald-Sun Tour due to bushfire dangers, they regretted not getting on the piss even more with Stuey the night before.
Rumours were Danilo Di Luca and Lance weren't invited. Nor Fat Cat.

More bored cycling fans waiting for the real road season to start. These guys are resorting to watching the Winter Olympics. Seriously though, this is some seriously funny punnage:

And as its Valentine's, I will leave you with this relevant song:

Friday, February 7, 2014

Our Chute Doc: Transparency ™

Let the Chute Doc heal your wounds with a light hearted look at the world of cycling. A play on the word "chute", French for fall or crash, used a lot in cycling, and also an anagram of Tour de Couch. (This section was formerly known as That's So Couch.)

Pro cycling news of recent weeks:

Lampre officially welcomed Chris Horner

The cross armed modelling pose is big again

Taylor Phinney confessed: his hairstyle WAS  inspired by a Sochi Winter Olympic Slope Style jump
The knitting of jerseys for Mark Cavendish has already begun in Yorkshire
Pro cycling men are also forced to sell their sponsors/themselves by using sex

Fabian Cancellara lines up a career after cycling

Bradley Wiggins is happy, now.

Unethical cyclists inspired by this photo from Melbourne zoo, find a way to guard against summer blackouts and getting mates like Landis to look after the fridge:

In other news:

Cycling's shy retiree George Hincapie attempts a varicose vein like grip on the pro cycling news cycle by sending out this love message to the Andreus.  I'm sure it has nothing to do with what this article from 4 February 2014 promotes: Hincapie's business - a boutique hotel and some cycling something or other. How about this quote from the hotel article:
"I was always pretty open about doping with my family and friends." 
Go Team Hincapie ethics!

UCI reveals secret: it worked with teams to oversee development of Transparency ™ a new material which helps black kit teams reveal all and be cool. Of course there's Sky's kit, and also Trek's modelled here by Frank Schleck:

UCI hope to distribute two "UCI Approved" stickers to each rider wearing black kit very soon. Really, really soon. The decision to call the new technology Amnesty faced strong opposition.

Of course, there are real dangers of wearing the mesh. Well at least for people who forget to slap on the sunscreen.

While not exactly mind control, it seems the other Sky boys who aren't Chris seem to have some sort of power over their women. Look at these WAGs taking to the road like love zombies. Although, who could blame them after you read this report - it's science.

But back to sunburn, wearing other kit can leave other unwanted marks:
This fan combined her two loves - cycling and Benedict Cumberbatch/Sherlock. This is fan fiction in diorama. Mostly I think she was just bored waiting for the road season to start properly in Belgium and now cyclocross is over. Yes, that's Benedict on the bike.

Missed the mens' elite World Cyclocross Championships last Sunday? Here is a highlights package:

The real womens' highlights are here.

This is how the fans got on:

(Real shot of Frank Schleck)