Sunday, July 3, 2011

That's so TDF

Stage 1

Jens Watch 
Mamils and mafils swooned at Jens' camel like efforts carrying a bottle in every part of his jersey and bib shorts with about 30km to go. Stroke of genius getting that footage TDF crew. The TDF coverage is after all about these guys I mean who else identifies with the SBS TDF promo ad played in the breaks in the SBS coverage, the racing itself is clearly not enough for these fellas, they've got to get their ego tickled before they fork out thousands for an IG market account and for a bike at the Avanti Bike Sale, which they'll sell in 3 months on But it's OK I guess, the 'i only watch cycling when the TDF is on' audience have Gabriel Gate to keep them interested.

Expect Jens coverage to up a notch this year on many non Euro media outlets given Armstrong is no longer around. Who else can the mamil hold up as a hero - that coloured fellow? Um, what's his name...Contador? No Way -he's a horrible cheat.  Radioshack may still hold appeal but a few looks at Weekend at Bernies Kloden, Skeletor Horner and that other guy remind us all too much of our mortality. The cult of Jens will launch a wristband soon.

Panache Watch
Gilbert boringly met expectations. He said he was going to win it, had heaps of pressure, is a TDF debutante and he still won it convincingly. And he pulled it all off even with that hair.

Rihs' Watch
Remember the last Vomatron Award went to Trek for its facebook status 'If we could change our status, we'd be "In a relationship" with "Winning".  Well Team BMC calls time on Trek's holding of the award with this tweet "countdown to TDF: it's the right time for heroes, thanks to the new BMC watch."  Check out the pic. The watch came in handy at its first press conference. When asked about the Soigneur controversy, oh look, is that the time?

Leopard Trek Tactics
Maximum points for being up the front, unlike Contador, they learnt something off Riis.
Also points for not asking to neutralise the stage.
Lost points for Cancellara trying to get to the cafe first.

Jens Award for Jens-ness
Omega Pharma Lotto rider, Jurgen Van de Walle hit his head hard after pointing out bump to peloton to only himself fall on that bump, hitting head hard. He then recovered to do an amazing amount of work at the front for Gilbert. Expect him to be deservedly dropped first on TTT tomorrow. Take note hipsters, irrational health professionals and statisticians - helmets do seem to work.

Fan observations
Thousands appalled last year by Chaingate finally get the point - it's bike racing. Expect them to relapse when Andy stuffs up again somehow.

Phil Ligget bingo drinking game
Drink every time he says coloured. E.g. "I coloured in my Lance drawing book today." Apparently coloured isn't an offensive term where he spends most of his time - in the commentary box covering races for American TV.


  1. Excellent entertainment as usual. Next time try to make more use of "Schleckette" though, it's a winner. Liggett's clearly lost the plot since Lance That Boil buggered off, and shows serious signs of discombobulation.
    Two questions (I missed most of stage 1)...what happened to the bloke who hit his head hard in a fall early on? (May have been Valverde) And what the eff are mamils and mafils?

  2. Hey Jude - thanks for the comment. MAMIL/MAFIL - middle age men in lycra,middle age female in lycra. Van De Walle (omega pharma lotto) riding up the front, traffic island came up, pointed it out, as he did so,also a speed hump,bike fell out from under him. hit his head. he was ok, little worse for ware, but pulled so bloody hard in the last 50 (?) or so. peeled off when it started to split, job done.