Friday, July 16, 2010

That's so couch/TDF

The Millar Diaries:

Stage 9

Dear Diary

I told people I rode with hurt ribs and other bones because I don't think the cycling community is ready for the truth.  I came 181st because: all 180 riders in front of me are dirty, dirty dopers.  Not even the ones wearing the blue bracelets are clean.  I'm the only clean rider in that dirty, dirty peloton.

The Bogan Bracelet - Wiggins nurtures his Aussie roots?

Speaking of another type of bracelet, Wiggins has been spotted wearing the, wait for it, The...Power...Balance...Band. Tourdecouch was intrigued as to what the Power Balance Band was and after googling found this
Power Balance is designed to work with your body's natural energy field.  The hologram in Power Balance is designed to resonate with and respond to the natural energy field of the body.

Oh dear, it's starting to sound like a bit of a con.  I discovered that even Today Tonight  - an Australian tabloid current affairs TV program - says it's a bit of a con, and them saying something like that is the equivalent of Fox News supporting something Obama says.

I also found this link on the first results page of Google:

This says that only bogans, e.g. Australian rugby league footballers, wear the band.  I quote from the website:
"in its unending quest to be as xtreme as possible, there is no gimmick too improbable, no shortcut too astounding, and no celebrity endorsement too smarmy for the bogan...Currently, the bogan is being lured by the promise of up to “500% more power, flexibility, and strength”. All from wearing a rubber wristband with holograms on it. Even the bogan is initially skeptical about such a claim, but its mind is instantly put at ease when it sees that there are celebrity sports stars endorsing it."

What is a bogan, non Australian readers ask?  It's sort of like a chav, a pykey, a redneck.

When this was put to Wiggo he was appropriately surprised and said "I just didn't want to wear one of those f*king yellow or blue wrist bands."

Precious Pants

We've been startled by the accounts in the past ten days of the tour by the 'toughness' of the riders. Riders finishing gruelling stages with fractured elbows, ribs, penises, faces, and collarbones. They are very tough.  Cyclists are tough enough to ride in these conditions but they can't ride on cobbles?

Frank Schleck said, no, they cannot. The ASO was 'playing with riders lives' by staging some of the tour in the Ardennes and on the cobbles. 

Ex rider,Phil Anderson - who I'm pretty sure isn't an armchair critic hanging out in cycling forums while wearing no underpants using his PC - said "we rode cobbles all the time...we rode the alps, the pyrenees, and the cobbles, they're just being precious."

Tourdecouch said 'Frank, get thee to a spin class.' 

The Tour isn't a Gladiator Arena
Barredo - reacting to being elbowed by Costa out on the road in the closing kilometres - decided to start something after that day's stage.  We've all seen the footage and can clearly surmise that yes riders are tough, except when they are fighting.  So we all laughed at these men in lycra trying to cause damage to each other with a front wheel and an open handed slap.

But these skills are obviously practised by riders, check this out:


"Why do all PRO cyclists punch like cats on LSD'  Simon Lamb, from popular blog La Gazetta Della Bici

Mark Renshaw's new title:
The Man in Front of the Man from the Isle of Man With a Little Too Much Man?


  1. On point as always!

    I was very grumpy reading Frank Schleck's comments yesterday. More than a week later and he's still talking to the press about it, which I realise is because he hasn't moved on from then but really, accept it for what it was and move on. Next time there is a route he doesn't like, maybe he shouldn't take part. And next time, he crashes on a flat I assume he'll criticise whatever race organisers for such a dangerous addition to the route.
    That's my Kloeden-hurting thoughts on the matter.
    (And I like the Schlecks! They are pushing me).

    Slappy rider fights in cleats are not good. That's why Renshaw went for the headbutt which was some kind of hybrid of a leany goat and a fighting giraffe.