Friday, June 11, 2010

That's so couch

How to disarm a doping bomb, a Twitter PR Plan by LanceCorp

1. Up the cancer talk on Twitter. New programs launched, new research talked about…..everything’s new, you’re the cancer one stop shop

2. Mention that someone dying is in your thoughts

3. Mention your sponsors e.g. Nissan – if sales stay the same or go up, they’ll stick by you

4. Up the Schleck pal talk, they’re clean…right?

5. Agree with followers by @ replying them about their disparaging Lemond remarks. This will distract everyone from the fact it is now quite clear you well and truly lost the Trek case, even though it settled out of court - e.g. no gag order - coz boy, if they knew that...and see the same team are representing Landis – hello credibility.

6. Question the tactics of Garmin at the Dauphine, a team who has been offered amnesty by Vaughters. How can a team who can’t race properly have credibility?

7. Get the cops to get rid of boo-ers…you wanted to do this in 2004 when lots of people did it, but you didn’t have the same power you now have after all the Livestrong stuff and didn’t come close to attracting the same appearance fees you now get to help pour money back into the local economy.

8. Also capitalise on said star power with event organisers to make the 2 minutes you fell behind on 3rd on the GC to magically disappear because of the weather. Now you finally again got on a podium looking thin and in form.

9. Tell Johan to tell the press you’re using all this Landis stuff as inspiration for the tour. Again, this will make you look more in form than you actually are and people will be excited to see the showdown in July rather than you in bracelets (not the yellow kind).

10. Attack any attempt to reform anti doping procedures, pound it even.

11. Forget karma, say people breaking things is shit. Ignore the fact that people like Horner and Brajkovic probably should’ve been on the TDF team anyway. Acknowledging this means your team is probably only good for a few stage wins at the tour, not the top step. And bugger you if Levi gets a podium place. Slow Pedal.

12. Invite Bono over for a five hour lunch, take a twitpic, mention the work u want to do in the 3rd world. Ignore his pleas to repent by giving him painkillers and have your missus show a bit of flesh. For your own sanity, decline his offer to say grace because you know he’ll say something to God about that thing that never happened. Plying him with massive painkillers and a bit of booze will mean he also hopefully won’t give you the Jesus talk again….what blasphemy, you’re the only Messiah.  

Red dead redemption and ham on rye

1. I'm in spain but at the same time I'm in the old west playing red dead redemption. 8:47 AM Jun 9th via web

2. wishing I had my copy of Ham on Rye handy. 10:23 PM Jun 8th via web

Still hanging around from last week, Comic Book Guy had this to say about the above Zabriskie tweets:

" Well, According to Wikipedia, Red Dead Redemption is a computer game that:

"makes use of a morality system where players have the ability to gain positive or negative 'honor'. Some of the ways to gain positive honor include taking an outlaw alive instead of killing him, or saving a kidnapped innocent. Negative honor can be gained for committing crimes including killing or robbing civilians. This works along with another system, 'fame,' showing and governing how people react based on Marston's honor status.”

And according to Litclicks, Ham on Rye to sum up is a Simultaneously comic and poignant, Ham on Rye is a novel that studies three influences that had a huge impact on the artist's life and work:

1.) His father's cruelty, 2.) His severe, disfiguring acne 3.) His early experiences with alcohol

Throughout his art a sense of being an outcast is felt, a sense of alienation, and a distinct rugged individualism. In Ham on Rye Bukowski analyzes his early life and tells the story of how Bukowski became Bukowski."

I therefore do believe he refers to the computer game because he is actually talking about his next move, i.e. whether to talk to the Feds or not.  And Ham on Rye, is he talking about Landis or Lance or himself. Or is it an amalgam of all doping cyclists and why they do what they do.

Couch – Um, I’m not sure. Mmm…ham on rye….

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