Friday, May 28, 2010

A Radio (Shack) Play for your Friday - orange is the new yellow

Lance: Will I be able to tweet in prison Dad?
Johan: For the last time Lance, I’m not your father.
Lance: Clone then? Sometimes I don’t know where I end and where you begin.
Johan: (silence)
Lance: Yeah, I know, I went too far….sorry it’s all the stress
Johan: That makes one of us.
Lance (hopeful): So you do feel it too?
Johan: No, I mean…you’re looking at this all wrong. I’m sure The Shack will be able to hook up something for you with the mobile phone situation, even in prison. At the very least, some walkie talkies so we can talk from different cells.

Lance: (lower lip shakes) Different cells? Yeah...why would they put us together...C'mon Lance.  Be Strong.  But, you mean The Shack would still want me?
Johan: Of course they will. According to John Wilcockson – and financial reports – their sales were up in the first quarter and he says it’s all down to you.  In the boardroom, they're calling it Salesstrong...hah!
Lance: Really?  But I was still innocent then.
Johan: Yeah, but you were shitting yourself all over Europe and people still bought stuff….and you and the team hadn’t bloody won anything.
Lance: What about Horner?
Johan: (silence)
Lance: Sorry again Johan. I know, what WAS he thinking at the Tour of Amgen, can’t he get we’d rather Levi podium then let him overshadow us and win again. But do you really think the people can forgive me?
Johan: C’mon, people love Mike Tyson again and he allegedly raped someone. All it took was him becoming vegan. He fights animal cruelty, you fight cancer.
Lance (cheering up): Go on Johan I want to hear more.
Johan: Really, the possibilities are endless. Radioshack could have monthly jailbird specials, each one counting down the months until you/we get out. Then an end of parole sale.
Lance: That’s awesome.
Johan: I have more. Mellow Johnny’s could design orange jumpsuits for bike kit, orange t-shirts with simple black typeface with your prisoner number or the number of days your sentence is. Orange will be the new yellow. We can develop an orange wristband to sell in store at The Shack, again with your prisoner number and beside that, the number of days your sentence is.

Lance: (excitedly joining in): Trek could have orange and black madones and they could stamp on it the number of days of our sentence, and “I ride for Last-Stop Lance or Jailbird Juan.”


Johan I’m so proud of you son, you’re learning…’re nobody’s yes man.
Lance: Son? I told you.
Johan: Figure of speech, figure of speech
Lance: I know…I have another idea. Like they rebranded to The Shack, they could rebrand to The Slammer
Johan: err…yes, that could catch on.
Lance: And all the proceeds will go to R and D for cancer???
Johan: err….yes…for cancer, for cancer. Anyway, my point is, you’re Teflon…noone’s going to drink the Kool Aid. Like they were all there for you with placards and banners saying, Johan 3:14, during your court case(s), they’ll be there for you when you get out, and they’ll vote for you as Governor…even President one day.
Lance: Thanks Hog, you really cheered me up. Hey I read an article the other day where you said your nickname was Hog coz you stole so many wins from people. I always thought it was your penchant for PEDs?
Johan: That’s a lie. But I always thought it was because I was named after this guy

(picks up a radioshack walkie talkie) – “Come in….Rosco P Coltrane.” C’mon Lance get into the spirit of this…we can play this inside

Lance: It’s going to be a LONG time…

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