Thursday, April 8, 2010

That's so couch - 8th April 2010

Avatar - The Sky People

Any of the Na'vi: ‘Why are you all here, we defeated the last lot of Sky People AND we paid our subscription, now just leave us alone.’

Brailsford/Sunderland:  ‘No no, we’re not here to hurt you or your planet.  We’re different Sky People, we too are of different skin, see, blue and black…and Plus…yes, even we have to pay for that too,except for Wiggo.’

Na'vi: You still haven't explained why you are here. 

B/S: We’ve come so you Na’vi can teach us your ways. We need guidance, how do we choose our Tour de France team?

Na'vi: Oh, ok.  Even so, how can we trust you?

B/S: We brought our god's paywall with us, don't worry, no one will be able to get through that and grab any of the unobtanium (quality news) without paying.  So, how do we choose our team?

Na'vi:  We will go to the tree of souls.  The team and the management have to all sit down around the tree, hold hands and chant.  It will then guide you.

B/S: Oh goody - a love-in, they're fab.

B/S: Wow, this place reminds us of our bus.  Oh riders, there's no need to cry, we'll go back to it soon
(When they reach the tree, the team do as they're told by the Na'vi and begin chanting)

Rupert, Lord of news that's not free
We're indecisive, guide us through this tree
Give us this day, our inspirational cliche
Blue Sky Thinking, at the end of the day
Climbers, roleurs, sprinters, all?
Or last ones to the bus the first to fall?

(A roaring thunder is heard)

Rupert: Oh, come on.  It's obvious.  Let the team choose itself.  But Wiggo's a given.  So is Gerro - we don't want the Australian tifosi to come after us.  By the way, tell Wiggo he'll find his tickets for the England games at the World Cup under his bus seat with his daily print copy of The Times - print, he's so old school. The rest of you bastards, you think I wouldn't notice all those downloads, you're bloody paying for The Sun page 3 from now on.

Cyclist and a gentleman - Robbie Hunter part 2

Robbie's tweets from April 1, 2010:

 - What is a 50year old woman doing with a kids scooter in a shopping mall..she even got the knee guards going.

- Ha ha on her way down!hence knee guards! Serves her right for acting like she is 5!

 - Almost got a photo of her on her ass but she got up to fast!she peeled out there in a hurry!!think she was embarrassed?

- Gotta get out these shops! Just seen a guy with more makeup on his face than his misses!! WTF isnt it april fools day tomorrow?

The Cycling Rivalries - Sky v Saxo v Radioshack

The Flanders cobbles brought out the true colours among the big boys.  Sky worked hard out the front mostly, Saxo took control of the race punishing the peloton with its pace up front and delivering Spartacus at the right time, and Lance rode really well almost the whole way without a team.  Here's how they all roll:

Sky training during the week before the big race, those zany kids:

(Team Sky website)

and here they are at play:

Saxobank are well hard.  You saw how they rode at the RVV. Not one gave in until they'd given all they could.  Serious business. Only people who are that serious swear a lot.  Matti Breschel swore his head off in a post Flanders interview after the bike mishap.  And here's how Jakob Fuglsang said Saxo likes to roll:

'...think that I used a wrong C-word in my last tweet...we some times use it internally in the team...but in a fun-kind-of-way!!' 
They work hard, they play hard and they swear hard. Just like this: 

For a while there, Lance fell well back.  But even with only one or two teammates still kicking, he seemed to bounce back to finish in the main group of chasers. He was so impressive, I was reminded of this:

Side effects of eternal youthfulness may include the runs....a lot. 

Twit's so couch

Graham Watson eating the crumbs that fall from the masters table? 'Just survived a nice evening in company of @mellowjonnys and @taylorphinney and others unspecified in Kortrijk - thanks for the free meal!  Apr 6th

Johan starting to think, this Lance comeback better be bloody worth it? ' Just got a call from my wife saying that our son Christian started to walk today, 2 days before his 1st birthday. Sad to miss this...' Apr 4th

Ben Day runs into not a bigoted cyclist hater like he first thought but a die-hard Giro fan who tells Ben what he really thinks of the Amgen:  ‘and then to finish the story the bloke says that he’s going to let his cows on the ro1ad before ATOC to soil the road #defecatingcow  Mar 31st

And couchiest quote for Paris-Roubaix goes to: Red Kite Prayer:
...really, in this race, the road is nothing more than a pavé-delivery device....If the entire race could be run over pavé, we, the fans, would be that much happier.

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