Thursday, March 25, 2010

That's So Couch - 25 March 2010

The Shack and the City*

We watched happily when the form was better in the first few series, but you watched the last two because you didn’t really want it to end. You watched the movie…because it's too hard to look away; you want to know if there’s still ‘some’ life in the old girls yet.

Main characters/multiple personalities:

Lance - Lance

Carrie – Lance – Lance’s real conscience/personality– has Lance’s Madonna’s arms, a little bit of a believer

Samantha – Lance – the personality who wants to screw people

Charlotte – Lance – the na├»ve, curing cancer, spending time with all the fans at races, believing everything Coach Guy says Lance

Miranda – Lance – the lawyer personality who also wants to screw/sue people and if she can’t win – anything Lance

Coach Guy – Johan

Episode 1 Shat and the Shitty

Lance had the shits today. Literally. Samantha, and Miranda all thought he was faking it, I said, orgasms yes, but he’s had cancer, he would never fake being sick. I also said that I’d seen Personal Trainer guy put something in his food and straight after heard him say to someone on the phone “Yes Mr Argyle, I will also say “who Wal-Marted”**  at the appropriate time.”

But Samantha and Miranda said that was “bullshit”. THEY suggested the idea to fake being sick coz Milan-Sanremo guy said he hadn’t invited The Shack to some party called the Giro. Sam said they wouldn’t have been seen “old” at that party anyway.

Charlotte agreed and said “No wonder he’s faking the poo-poos to get him out of that very long bike race, Coach Guy wrote a letter to Milan-Sanremo guy that The Shack didn’t even want to field a B team and he took a break from his latest venture - fashion for the clueless – to teach the media,especially that Stephen Farrand, – some ethics.”

I said, “but Coach Guy publicly stated a few times in the press since “if we get invited, we won’t go for GC” coz I remembered feeling bad for Klodi.”

They told me shut up, who was I to judge as I had an affair with Big on Aidan. They also said if I didn’t shutup I couldn’t come with them to the Tour of California, I said “meh,” put on You Got the Love, lit up a smoke and danced around the house in clothing inappropriate for my age.

Episode 2 – An American in Paris

I’d always dreamed as a little girl I’d one day make it to Paris. And I did. 7 times. I remember that last time we stood on the podium as Lance told us a girl should believe in fairy tales, especially in the city of love:

This time, we went to see the President. Samantha and Miranda ended getting all Sar-Kosy and Coach Guy gave him a nice shiny bike let down by its outfit. I then overheard them plotting with Sarkozy - who confirmed he’d help - to frame Lance’s main hubris rival with a positive dope test. They all said it was the only way to beat him.

But I managed to talk Lance out of it by saying – a person who has defeated cancer has won the biggest race of all, they don’t need to cheat. Carrie is no yes-man-hands!

But Sam still called me a c word and said she’s in PR and it could be spun this way: he cheated death; he could also cheat the pistol.

To reap revenge, Sam and Miranda also put this up on his twitter account, but I think Charlotte might have gone in and deleted it because it disappeared a few hours later….I could only find it again by searching in Twitter

Couchiest Quotes etc

(R e u te r s)

Stephen Roche on 2010 Milan San-Remo (VeloNation)

“If you saw the way the riders rode up the Poggio and the Cipressa, it was a waste. Nobody attacked when Garzelli was on the front, they left it too close to the top. (he) set a blistering pace up the climb, and nobody moved until it was too close to the summit to open a sufficient gap. A lot of guys were sitting on the wheels there, even though they had no chance of winning if it came down to a bunch sprint. Yet nobody even tried getting out of the saddle,” “If you saw Garzelli, he was on the front and everyone would think he was riding a stormer. He was indeed riding a stormer, but he was waiting for someone to attack so he could take a rest. When the first guy did attack, he just pulled over and went straight from the front out the back door. If someone had attacked earlier, that would have upset the whole train and set another race in motion.”
The Cat pounced. Legend.

Joel Felicio tells us via twitter that Bob Roll was only quoting what is fact: others have the wrong idea about Alberto, and he didn’t agree that Alberto’s decision to ride in the CI this weekend was hubris. Joel tells us to look closely, it’s not biased:

I'm a little bit surprised that Contador has dramatically altered his race program to race specifically against Lance, although Lance is taking a much different trajectory to arrive at his best form later in the season during July. For conspiracy theorists, Alberto has changed his program to show the world that he is the best. It may be Contador's hubris that is his undoing.
I looked closely Joel.

John Candy in Cool Runnings:
“…a gold medal (or winning) is a wonderful thing. But if you're not enough without it, you'll never be enough with it.”
There’s also another quote in the movie about needing to win all the time, but I couldn’t remember it. But after seeing how they reacted this week about the Giro rhubarb rhubarb rhubarb I remembered these quotes. Even if they are right, do they have to even win at this?

The I deserve to have the shits (not those shits though of course) award – Andre Greipel and Robbie McEwen after both their teams put their Milan San Remo eggs into the one Cav and Pozzato gift basket.

*Got SATC idea from @dnlbenson and took it way further


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