Friday, February 5, 2010

That's So Couch - Friday 5 Feb 2010

Welcome to Tourdecouch’s new weekly couch at cycling. Couch* you ask? Couch can be anything you want it to be – much like the smurfs use the word smurf. E.g. Tourdecouch is so couch. It can mean awesome, beautiful, funny, bad, shite, good, - anything. This is a couchy look at pro cycling, with poetic licence thrown in.  Come back to the couch Fridays at 4 or 5pm (AEST) - or if you’re following me on twitter  – watch out for a tweet about that time and follow the link.

Adelaide v Geelong *

(Geelong Advertiser)
In a recent interview*, Lance couched about whether he’d go to the World Championships in Geelong:

Lance: “Sure, I’m very tempted to ride the Worlds in Gee-long, but my decision will be a no brainer – they just haven’t offered me, let alone Livestrong, enough…yet. South Australia paid me (inaudible amount) of spoondolicks and frankly, I don’t think Melbourne showed me much respect. They gave me a pretend Cats jersey. Geez, even Cadel got a real one and he hasn’t even won one TDF yet. And Tiger got an interview with Eddy Everywhere Mcguire. Wassup’ Melbourne? Sure, Cadel looks out for those Tibetans and Tiger takes special care of all those disadvantaged women, but I fight cancer, dudes.
Interviewer – But what about South Australia and Bruce McAvaney*? That was a bit of a let down, surely?
Lance: Ranny won’t make that mistake again….when we went for another night out on the Jacob’s Creek with McQuaidy and McEnroe, I made Ranny slip me another wad of wonga.
Interviewer – Another…wad…of…wonga? But did South Australia get anything in return for that extra amount?
Lance - I twitpic’d a picture of Adelaide I took from out my private jet’s window as I flew out. That particular tweet to my 2.5m mj’s was not part of our original deal.

Where’s Team Sky’s Bus?
In a display of couchy journalism, Cycling Weekly started its major investigation into the whereabouts of Team Sky's new bus by tweeting: “It hasn't made it to the south of France and no one is saying why!” If it has been “stolen” or hijacked like that “guy from that shitty little team” said maybe Team Sky’s PR/marketing geezers got the phone numbers for these guys, from Trek representatives:

Or, maybe Brailsford’s using it for an office when he’s doing the British Cycling part of his job?

Saxobank to book Cooke in for political correctness training?

 And maybe training to understand politics too?

President, really? Well, the US was couch enough already to vote a Texan in – aka - a guy who is always in the same pueblo…surrounded by “yes” men - maybe it might again.

The Argus
Sorry, I don’t mean to write about Lance again, but speaking of Lance and presidents, here’s more from that earlier interview. (I forgot to mention earlier, that apparently, during the entire interview, Lance had been wearing a race radio):

Interviewer – why did you decide to ride in The Argus (a race in South Africa)?
Lance: We need a photo opportunity/meeting with Morgan Freeman…..Hang on Johan’s yelling something to me in my ear…What? That wasn’t a documentary? And Morgan’s never been the President of South Africa? But that white guy’s South African accent was so convincing…What Johan? Matt Damon? No way?
Anyway, doesn’t matter, Mandela then. Yes, a photo opp with him is very important – why? HIV/AIDS is much bigger than cancer in South Africa; we have to raise cancer’s profile there. Shiiiiiiiit - even Annie Lennox has had more photos with him. I don’t know whether we have even one…Johan?......No, Johan can’t remember either.  But Morgan’s still a brother. Would love to chillax with him at my crib one day. But it’ll have to be soon though – you’ve seen the Bucket List, I don’t think he’s got much longer…

Couchiest Quotes/Headlines of the Week (remember, they can be awesome or bad or funny)
“resplendent rainbow stripes coil around his torso,” Anthony Tan interview with Cadel Evans, Velo News

"Best bit (about pro cycling) is you’re getting paid to do what you would do for free; I now have an excuse to be lazy if I’m not on the bike. ‘Mum, I can’t hang out the washing, I’m’s my job.’" Australian HTC-Columbia rider, Chloe Hosking

"Even some of the Swiss guys think it's very precise and they are Swiss, so imagine how this feels for an Italian!" Alessandro Ballan on his new, BMC team, in interview

“We also put riders in wind tunnels…but we don’t put out a press release about it,” Marc Madiot, team manager of Francaise des Jeux complaining about Team Sky (and pretty much every other modern pro team). He was later visibly shocked when someone explained the internet to him and then needed medical attention when social media was also explained.
*Got this phrase from a Gen Y girl a little while ago I know, who explained to me “it can mean anything.”  She had all her friends saying it. I remembered it the other day when coming up with this idea, and thought it fit with the whole tourdecouch name thingy….

* This Lance interview was the poetic licence, everything else is true and what people did/said….maybe

* no offence intended to Bruce, he’s a good guy…


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