That's what he said/she said

     
 

"I just want to go home and ride my bike"

 Alberto Contador, Tuesday, 7th February 2012

That's so Couch: The Chloe's,the Trailer-House of Hooch & the fracking TDU

The Chloe Hosking Award (The Chloe's ™ ) for being a real Pat

1. All the folks won over by the "bugger all" phrase by CA's President. Does anyone read to the end of articles any more? Sure, CA gave her an un-fine/fine, that's pretty cool,but at the end of the piece, he says the same thing as Pat. 

2.'Ol One Ball talking about Pat and Hein's shitty little lawsuit against anti doping crusader, Paul Kimmage.

But this week's Chloe™ goes to ARD Sportschau. Challenging Bernstein and..I always forget the other one...for best investigative journalism ever, it linked sportspeople such as Marcel Kittel to a Doktor who did stuff to 50mls of blood using special performance enhancing rays from the sun and injecting the special performance enhancing rays back into the naive ill dumb 18 year old cyclist, in 2008. ARD didn't really bother to mention some of the facts, leaving it to 1t4i - who ARD also didn't bother to approach - to stand up for Marcel. If journalists, bloggers, pitchfork wiedling tifosi etc want to see the consequences of thirsting too much for the skinny, read the facts, which nobody can deny, see Marcel Kittel's twitter timeline, the article from Cycling News he links there and think of how he must be feeling.

Fracking Tour Down Under

Saw a lot on the Twitters about how uninspiring the TDU is/was. "These People" probably pay to watch the Belgian beer brewing process, from field to monkery while eating la tarte aux panache and wearing authentic replica $200 baby poo coloured woolen jerseys, and cycling caps advertising a pen company. Sure, it could be better and there's suggestions all over the place how that could happen, but These People ™ didn't even notice Will Clarke's break away panache. And These People ™ are all about the panache. 

Nor did they see the exciting racing and sprint finishes or the riders and the crowds loving the TDU's guts out. What does the TDU have to do for These People ™ ?  Pay a few million bob to a 7 time Tour de France winner to race it? Um... Hang on. Only one thing for it - get Tommy Voeckler down here, stat. These People ™ think he's fully sick. Noone comes close, not Cadel on Stage 18 and 19 of the TDF last year, not even Jens. Even when Tommy sucks the wheel of the man in front of him on a crepe parcours with a French or Belgian industrial estate as the back drop, they whimper, La petite mort.

Who could forget about the Vanity Van of Food Consumption at last year's TDF, AKA  O'Grady's Autobus of Booze. A re-name is fitting for the new year and the new team, and a new boozy incident: Stuey's (Jayco) Trailer-House of Hooch

If you live under a rock you may not have heard about the assault allegations made against Stuey by a car driver taking him home to Green Edge plankets just before the TDU. Stuart said the allegations were ridiculous and while it got some oxygen on a dodgy "current affairs" show in Australia, it fortunately went nowhere.

Jane Aubrey from Cycling News told us at the time about the driver:

The guy accusing Stuart O'Grady of assault played Fat Cat for many years. He says this gives him credibility...
— Jane Aubrey (@janeaubrey) January 16, 2012   

For non Australians, this is Fat Cat:

Stuey tweeted this the other day:

@ozcycling Dan. I searched the bottle shop with my dad for ages searching for the golden drop that turned me from fatcat to tiger! No go...

— STUART O'GRADY (@StueyOG) January 28, 2012

So it's not hard to believe Stuey didn't deny being "happy". Stuey said he was guilty of no more than a singalong.

Probably singing the Green Edge team song no doubt:



Sean Yates got all pissy at Green Edge winning the race, you know because if it wasn't for Flecha, their first year would've looked...potentially how the rest of Green Edge's season may look. White took the bait. Sometimes That's So correspondent, Natalie (@brassyn) put it best "I fail to see how Sean Yates saying greenedge have january chubs means anything in relation to the olympics. redundant pissing contests"

Cities around America still having trouble with cleaning up those pesky Occupy protestors, you need help from these guys from the TDU:




This is just one of the things they're probably protesting and concerned about. Do a Google search for Coal Seam Gas and Santos and you'll find plenty of things people are pissed off about and why. In a quest to be fair, here's the fracker's view of fracking.

Disappointing though not many questions about the fracking issue seemed to surface from any corner (other than protestors) at or around this event. Sure, you say, there's a time and a place. Yep, that time and a place is at sporting events. Sport and politics rub shoulders all the time, pissed as farts in the VIP tents and ending up in bed together, so why not use it to raise real issues?  

When famous cricketers and cycling mix - for good



They're doing the Paris-Roubaix route along the way!!

Green Edge with Ham

For starters “Gomes”, Molly Meldrum not relevant to cycling? What about this ad? 

(geez, even these cyclists left Melbourne)

Most Aussies my age and a bit older can also remember (or can remember seeing footage since) Molly presenting his music show Countdown drunk one night. There's a youtube vid but it goes for nine minutes and who has the time?

Instead, if Molly was going to write an opinion piece in that state in response to Phil Gomes' post about the farce that is Green Edge's engagement with Australian cycling fans, it would be this.

While Phil Gomes ruminated on his blog post, a few tweeps and I also discussed this issue. We therefore echo Phil's sentiments. Rob's not just having a go at Phil, but the many fans who agreed with him and said so on Twitter and in the comments section.

It is hard to accept a lecture about “criticising something one doesn't fully understand” (tdc - sounds a bit like "you don't know man, you haven't seen war") from someone when you can't actually fully understand what they are trying to say.

It is also hard to accept it from someone who reviews his own book in his own magazine.

Although hard to decipher, I think one thing Rob is trying to say is, GE couldn't do anything with fans in Canberra because of contractual issues with bikes and such (tdc– like Trent Lowe and Vaughters fiasco – google it).

No Rob, it's not hard for us to understand. Some of us “fans” who don't have a clue thought of this ourselves a week or two ago and discussed on twitter how it's easy to get around. 

Maybe it's not GE's reason then. Maybe Canberra hasn't much of a cycling scene to bother with?

I regularly visit Canberra and each time I do, there's barely a day or weekend where you don't see a large number of local cyclists out and about. Or on a Sunday on the drive back to Sydney, you don't pass a car on the freeway with a bike attached. 

And in Canberra, there are some capable cycling clubs with volunteers who could probably scrounge 30 generic polos shirts from Lowes and organise a clinic or a meet and greet with a school or a club somewhere sans Scott bikes. Or how about even the same night Robbie was touting his book at Velo Republic? As a Sydney sider who can't get to the TDU, that's something I would've driven to Canberra for. I don't expect to ride with the team, I just want to “see them” and be part of an exciting moment in Australian cycling history.

Whatever the reasoning for the exclusion of Canberra fans, such is the norm – we're used to it. I got over it. But it is impossible to fathom why the Melbourne launch was not advertised at all. The Green Edge launch is history, it is an exciting moment. But forever the photos of this historic cycling moment will show hardly a cycling fan was there to witness it.  

Perhaps Green Edge is courting fans beyond the current cycling fan base as a thank you for their tax dollars. After all, taxpayers help pay for the AIS cycling program, the GE thingy in Italy, the Cycling Australia High Performance program and any non Cycling Australia membership/Grass Roots/Jayco generated dollar.

Tax payers such as Rob, other journalists, the Melbourne football press and public, Mark Arbib, Andrew Barr and corporate types.

I do understand though Rob. It's impossible to sell to corporates a “Christmas Party with GE/Breakfast Corporate Bike Ride with GE” opportunity when the great unwashed have already touched them. 

As Rob explains, it was only a dinner for the GE family – an exclusive club. But as fans, we don't want to be a part of the GE club. We are the GE club. Or as Rob Arnold put it, the GE family – but we weren't invited to even eat the scraps off the table.

Cycling fans too are taxpayers. More than this, we are the ones who watch the coverage which begat more coverage which begat more cyclists which begat more coverage which begat more cycling sponsorship which begat more cyclists which begat more coverage. We are the ones who buy the cycling products, the cycling magazines, and the jerseys. We are the ones who'll keep on turning up even after another UCI and/or doping disappointment.

I understand potential sponsors and corporate supporters must be greased and politicians thanked. But it's disappointing to hear such language - fans aren't part of the larger GE family.  

Like Ride thinks with its arrogant waffly prose and awesome cycling pictures (most of which we've seen on the internet already anyway) it's the best magazine in Australia and is always going to be, GE arrogantly expects the Oz tifosi to jump on board the Subaru with Mars Bars in hand with little effort to engage them.

Even before the internet, the cycling tifosi in Australia thought global – it had to. Whether it was months old magazines digested by wannabe cyclists or tapes sent over from Europe, they'd source it somehow. Now we are all closer, many of us look beyond Ride and Cycling Central (tdc - many of us instead of) for expert opinions and cycling entertainment. Celtic podcasters, magazines containing writing and photos so good it hurts,and many bloggers who don't have the same access as journalists but analyse the state of play better than their paid counterparts.

I've actually given up my subscription to Ride for this reason, I can't afford to invest what I can get better elsewhere,for less. The jig test, the “bike products” catalogue, the oz centric-ness and the stories they don't write about female cyclists are the only things that set Ride apart.

Oz cycling fans also look beyond their own cycling team and their own Australian riders. It's what cycling fans do. Especially if they're treated like shit.

Sure, the TDU will bring a big GE song and dance and much fan engagement. But it won't be with the whole team. Phil was also criticised by Rob and others for being too negative at what should be an exciting time. Of course it is bloody exciting. That's what sucks! All 30 rostered riders of Australia's first pro team in Oz all together (probably the last time). It is bloodly exciting and it is a moment that has now passed. 

And we couldn't be a part of it.

If the Bike and Lifestyle Show was anything to go by, there's a few people in the Brave New Oz Cycling Bubble failing to understand the target market they are so desperately trying to earn their cycling buck back from. They are attempting to brew new decaffeinated Nestle pod coffee through old moka pots and serve up Green Edge with Ham.

A recent Anthony Tan piece told us GE has two years to find a sponsor or Gerry calls Jayco caravan curtains. With so many cycling issues detracting so many potential sponsors, I'm not sure turning up cap in hand to some of them with hardly any fans is the right strategy.

Cycling's heroics* - #1 - Kayla Beaconsfield's effort

More than seven thousand cyclists joined the likes of Simon Gerrans, Matt Keenan and Kayla Beaconsfield, taking over Melbourne's EastLink in the Ride for Home. The charity ride raised $300,000 for Hanover, a welfare charity who help out many Victorians experiencing homelessness.

I caught up with Kayla (daughter of tweep Mark Beaconsfield), 11, yesterday to find out how she went on the 15km ride with her family.

 I'm guessing you’ve never ridden that far before all at once? How did it feel?

I have ridden 20km before, but it was different because we stopped at some parks. But there were more hills on our 20km rides. If you count the ride to and from the station on Sunday, we did almost 30km.

And how was it “taking over” the EastLink? Did you guys see Gerro or anyone else?

It was fun. The road was wide and smooth and there were no cars to worry about. We didn't get to see anyone, they were doing the longer rides.

Your dad know what your average speed was?

No, we didn't take any notice, because we were having so much fun. Dad said we went 50km an hour down the hills in the tunnels.

Was there a point out there on the ride you thought, this is too hard, I want to quit? If so, what got you through?

On some of the uphills it was hard. Dad helped by giving me a little push. But that was near the end and I knew there was not far to go.

You reckon you’ll join your dad for really long rides one day?

I do some rides with dad. When I get better at riding we will go further.

I hear you ride to school/from school – was that good training for last weekend’s ride? How far is that ride?

Dad brings my bike to school and we ride home together. It is 1 and a half km. I sometimes go out after school and ride around the block, so that helped with the ride.

If you could improve your ride to school – e.g. better safety – do you have any ideas?

Dad has been teaching me how to ride safely on the road with cars. When we get to the main road, we go on the footpath and cross using the pedestrian crossing.

You follow pro cycling? If so, who are your favourite riders? And do you have favourite races to watch?

I watch it sometimes on TV and have been to a race with dad (Jayco Bay Classic) I like Cadel Evans and Jens Voigt because he says "Shut up legs!" I like to watch the ladies races too. At the race I went to, I got to meet the winner, Rochelle Gilmore, and the rest of the team Honda girls. They took photos with me and gave me a team hat.

Can you remember when you first rode a bike? What do you remember?

I only started riding about 2 years ago. Dad helped and when I got going I thought "This is fun"

Tell us about your current bike (if it’s not your first one, what was your first bike?)

It is a pink bmx, I used to have a smaller blue Bratz bmx, but then I got too big for it.

If you ever became a pro rider, do you reckon you’d still ride to the shops?

Mum and Dad don't drive, so when we go to the shops, we always walk, ride or catch a bus. I would love to ride in races when I'm older. 

If you could ride anywhere in the whole world right now where would you ride?

I never thought about it. Maybe somewhere with lots of hills to go down.

Tell us what’s the best thing about riding – why do you like it?

It's fun and we get to see lots of places you cant see from a car.

My stepdaughter is 8 and she sometimes likes long rides (she’s ridden 12kms before, over a couple of hours), but mostly doesn’t – what would you say to kids AND ADULTS who

a) Don’t ride

Give it a try, it's fun and it's good for you. 

b) Don’t ride, they really really want to start but are afraid (especially if it’s to school)

Go to a park or somewhere where there is a bike path away from cars and practice. Thats what I did. Don't go on the roads if you are nervous or scared. 

c) Do ride, but don’t want to ride very far

Do short rides, as you get better, you will start to go further and further.

Kayla's Dad - @markbeaky

Takin' it to the peleton

Tunnel!!!

Time enough for a salute

Finished!!

*This is inspired by a quote from Bill Strickland "I'm done with cycling heroes,not cycling's heroics"
 ** I also think it's pretty heroic to teach your kids to ride

Life Cycle

Anything could go wrong.
Today, it's a cleat that needs fixing.
Takes more than a tweak,
Eats into the hour I had
this week
to climb up the back of a razor.
But on I battle with winter,
with time,
this machine,
and obligation.
To him and her now I dash.
Put off the cycle.
This should be easy.